It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)

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(…haven’t heard from “the job” yet so I’m not even going to go there, less I have another panic attack, yikes……in the meantime…)

“While preachers preach of evil fates
Teachers teach that knowledge waits
Can lead to hundred-dollar plates
Goodness hides behind its gates
But even the president of the United States
Sometimes must have
To stand naked.”

This is what Bob Dylan was singing Sunday night at Falconi Field when my husband began to taunt Melissa Hart, staunch Republican, Congresswoman for the 4th District in PA, and I guess, Bob Dylan fan.

I had recognized and pointed her out earlier, more in disbelief at the irony than anything else. Can a Republican supporter of (I can’t even say his name without cringing) actually BE a Bob Dylan fan? Is she a Clash fan as well? Does she secretly attend Patti Smith and Billy Bragg concerts when no one is looking? Pumping her fist and going, “Yeah, yeah!”

I say “secretly” because she was up in the nosebleed seats with us, downing some beers and sitting with a guy who had a really big gut. I guess he likes beer and Bob Dylan. And he had this really big wart over his eye………

But I’m being shallow, right? Did I say she’s kind of hard to miss because of her huge horse face? Is that too cruel? Did I mention her outfit was, I don’t even know how to put this, beyond fugly? Yellow pants?

Okay, my Samantha Jones side is definitely out, I just think that even if you’re a Republican you ARE representing your constituents and for God’s sake if you need to hire a stylist… (shallow fashion-conscious lady being hustled out of the room while objective, more journalistic lady takes her place).

I’m not saying she can’t enjoy music outdoors on a warm, lovely summer evening, but BOB DYLAN? Puh-leez!

I wonder if she could even understand the words to “It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)”? Granted, Bob is on the elderly side, stuck behind a piano, even his most dedicated fans are probably straining to understand the words, hell, they did even when he was young, right?

So my husband took it upon himself to sing the words, loudly. He rocks, and I told him so. I, admittedly, don’t know the words (I’m a fan, not a superfan) so all I could do was sit there and gulp down my third Samual Adams Summer Ale and marvel at the drama that was unfolding. And love my husband all the more for having the balls to point out the irony to everyone at Falconi Field.

See, I’m a political coward. I observe the irony. I may even write about the irony. But I don’t have the balls to actually ACT on the irony. It’s a problem I’m working on.

Anyway, when singing the words didn’t have the desired effect, my husband did what every good fan does at a concert…he started requesting songs, but adding the word “Melissa” at the end.

“MASTERS OF WAR……………MELISSA!!!!!!!!”
“MASTERS OF WAR……………MELISSA!!!!!!!!”
“MASTERS OF WAR……………MELISSA!!!!!!!!”

This worked beautifully. Finally, in true politico fashion, Melissa Hart left her seat, dragging her waddling boyfriend behind her. She introduced herself and shook his hand while I sat agape. Wow!

She was the true smooth-talking politician the whole way. “You seem to know me but I don’t know you. Enjoying the concert are you? Obviously you are a Bob Dylan fan, right? I am too. Enjoying the music? Great. Good to meet ya’. Glad to know ya’.” (imagine a pumping, manly handshake here).

In other words, forget I work for those “Masters of War” and just let me listen to the music. Sorry lady, you should have gone to Toby Keith maybe. Here it’s every man for himself.

Then she left. Everyone around us was wondering what just happened so we took it upon ourselves to tell them. They were equally shocked – none of them had even recognized her. Don’t they realize you should know your enemies? (okay, that was unobjective and unjournalistic and I apologize).

Hey, it was just our way of letting those who supposedly represent us actually know how we feel about it. Or it was my husband’s way. Did I mention he rocks? We’re a team. I recognize people and he fucks with them. It’s a system we have – or at least we do now.

p.s. go right now to google.com and type in “failure”. See what comes up? Quick, do it now before the guys at Google figure it out. Or maybe they did it on purpose………we can only hope.

p.p.s. thank god justice was swift in the Harvey case. Just like waiting for “the job” to finally happen, I can’t even go there right now. Still too painful. Not enough distance. I don’t rightly know in my heart which is better, death or life in prison. I’m against capital punishment…………I think. I used to be sure, and then my friends were killed.

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